I am here as a Millennial woman, who doesn’t want to have children, to talk about the stereotype that all women must have children in order to be fulfilled or successful. Let me start by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have children, and no one should be stigmatized for wanting a child-free life. There are so many reasons for a women not wanting to be a mother, but I am not do a deep psychological analysis on the subject or dig much deeper, I am going to talk about me and the many other Millennials that like me, have their own reason or many reasons for not wanting to become a mother, some of them quite simple, obvious and completely understandable, at least for our generation, and even for some Boomer women that might regret, even if not saying out loud, having kids.
When a woman says she doesn’t want to have kids it sounds to everyone listening that she hates, despises children, which is not true. Take me as an example, I love kids, found them adorable, love to be around kids, I just never saw myself as a mother, was not born with a motherly instinct, and this is one of the reasons I decided a long time ago that motherhood wasn’t for me and that I want a life of my own, child-free, and that is ok, not having kids doesn’t mean a woman failed, it means she made a life choice, that should be respected and not stigmatized.
A lot of Millennial women are making the decision to go child-free today and they have a lot of good reasons to make this decision. The woman making this decision needs to make it without feeling pressured by family, friends, or society in general. Most Boomers, even Millennials that regret having children, had them because of this pressure we still feel it, that is still deep-rooted in our society and it is still a stigma for so many countries where the position of a woman in the society is still settled as a procreator, that women need to breed, like a farm animal.
When I tell people I don’t want kids, their first reaction is to reply that this attitude will change one day and that at one point of my life I will want to have children. They say things like, “you will feel lonely” or “you are going to regret this decision long term speaking”, “who’s going to take care of you when you are older?”, all facts I already took under consideration when I made my decision, but they still need to put it out there to state that my carefully thought decision is the wrong decision. Lucky for me I have the support of those who matter the most, my family and friends, and although for some of them it is hard to understand why I would want a child-free life, they still support my decision.
Besides not having a maternal instinct, that motherly urge, other reasons were taken into matter for my final decision, and I am sure that those are that same reasons that many other women consider when choosing not to have children, such as, the world is already overpopulated; having children is expensive; I like my freedom; watching working moms struggle to balance motherhood and work; which is the most important reason for me: my career is my priority. I have spent the past 10 years of my life focusing on building my career, getting where I am today, and by watching close friends struggling to reconcile family and work and even sometimes feeling like they are failing at something made me realize that having kids is really not for me.
Working moms and all those who want to have children have my full respect and admiration, we all know that being a mom is not an easy task, but for all those who like me don’t see themselves as mothers, you are not a failure or a dot out of the curve, you just want different things for your life, and that is fine, no matter what society says.
AUTHOR
Priscila Bueno
